Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
If you've recently ended a narcissistic relationship, you are likely to be dealing with feelings of hurt, confusion, and upset.
Even though you know deep inside that you were not to blame for the relationship's demise, believing this is often very difficult. Wondering what you could have done differently to prevent the narcissistic relationship pattern, or contemplating ways you could have helped your loved one address their issues, can add to your emotional pain.
Unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and emotions can show up as you try to recover. Although you are aware that the relationship was unhealthy and you were mistreated, you may still find it hard to shake the memories of happier times you shared with them. Reflecting on the past might lead you to crave their company and want to earn their love and approval again.
The abuse cycle of a narcissist is often profoundly traumatising to the victim, and the healing process takes time.
A narcissistic relationship extends beyond romantic partners. Friends can display narcissistic tendencies. You may have narcissistic parents or narcissistic work colleagues.
Narcissistic abuse can also come from extended family members (grandmothers, step-parents, cousins, uncles, etc.), bosses, neighbours, or community leaders or educators.
If you feel lost, the tips below can help you take your first steps on the path to healing after narcissistic abuse.
Tips for Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
Make space for difficult emotions.
Most relationship breakdowns involve complex feelings, including shock, loss, sadness, and anger.
After ending a relationship where narcissistic abuse occurred, you may experience additional emotional distress, such as paranoia, shame, fear, and anxiety.
The trauma of dealing with NPD can also leave you with symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Narcissistic gaslighting can cause a lot of hurts and leave you questioning your reality. Victims are vulnerable to depression after narcissistic abuse.
You may be struggling with deep emotional wounds, and you might still question your actions.
These are natural emotional experiences. Working through them by yourself is not always easy, though, especially when you feel confused by the abuse cycle of a narcissist.
Seek professional support.
Working with a therapist can help you take the first step toward improving your mental and emotional wellbeing.
If you found it hard to leave the person abusing you or are having thoughts of giving them another chance, a psychotherapist can help you explore the reasons behind these feelings and create a plan to avoid self-defeating choices in the future.
A therapist can also offer guidance with:
Overcoming self-blame
Building coping skills
Overcoming urges to contact the abusive person
Dealing with anxiety, depression, and other mental health symptoms
Self isolation after narcissistic abuse
Ways to spot and stop narcissistic abuse in the future
Therapists with a trauma-informed practice could help you understand underlying factors that leave individuals more vulnerable to patterns of abuse.
Therapy offers a safe space where a skilled and compassionate professional can support you through your healing journey. You can access professional online mental health therapy from Fettle therapists who specialize in trauma recovery.
Practice self-compassion.
Once you acknowledge that your relationship was, in fact, abusive, you might criticise or blame yourself. Remember, no one deserves abuse, and their behavior is not your fault. If you are angry at yourself for letting them mistreat you, when you notice these thoughts, extend compassion to yourself.
You can get started by practicing the following steps:
Talk to yourself in a nurturing, accepting way by saying to yourself, "I am here for you," and "This is tough.”
Treat your body with love and care (e.g., Drinking a healthy smoothie or taking a relaxing bath).
Know what you need and provide it for yourself. Check in with yourself during the day by asking, "How can I support myself today?"
Practice self-care.
Engaging in self-care can help improve your physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing. You can do this by engaging in conscious actions that promote your self-worth and give you a sense of purpose. Reflect on how you can implement better self-care rituals in your daily routine. Aim to practice one self-care action a day and schedule it into your diary or put a reminder on your phone, so you don't forget.
Self-care practices include:
Pausing throughout the day and connecting with your breath
Booking a massage
Making space for your emotions through noticing them and letting them be there for a couple of seconds
Connecting with friends
Create new rituals.
Moving forward after the break-up of a relationship can bring up nostalgia. Perhaps you and your significant other went to the same restaurant for dinner every Tuesday. Or, you spent every second Sunday visiting your now-estranged mother's house.
Either way, certain rituals may evoke anger, sadness, or a sense of longing. Try to anticipate those moments and think of ways to recreate new healthier, and life-enhancing patterns for the future. So perhaps if you and your ex went for dinner every Tuesday evening, you could now plan to join a dance class with friends instead to give the day new meaning.